


"I saved you a piece."

by LaLopez1981



Series: 100 Ways to Say I Love You [9]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: 100 Ways to Say I Love You Writing Challenge, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Clintasha - Freeform, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, FrostIron - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Mentions of Darcy - Freeform, Mentions of Natasha - Freeform, Mentions of Thor, Prompt Fill, Protective Loki (Marvel), Sif/Thor (Marvel) - Freeform, Sort Of, Steve Is a Good Bro, Stucky - Freeform, Tony Stark Has Issues, Writer's Block, mentions of Sif - Freeform, mentions of clint, mentions of depression, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 08:44:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15860190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaLopez1981/pseuds/LaLopez1981
Summary: Tony's struggling with some things and Loki's doing his best to help. Loki goes to a dinner party where Steve, Bucky's therapist boyfriend, tries to help. He does.





	"I saved you a piece."

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the official warning (In case you missed it in the tags) for anyone who doesn't want to read about struggling with depression and anxiety. Doesn't go too deep into it, but I know some people try to avoid that. It does have a happy ending, I promise.
> 
> xoxo, La

Tony was in a bad place again.   
  
Thankfully, Loki had been with him long enough to recognize the telltale signs of an oncoming episode, varied as they could be. And he'd learned, through no easy trials, how to care for his beloved, what to do and not do, how to get him to eat and drink even when he didn’t want to. Loki was only grateful he could handle Tony.    
  
Not to say Loki was without his own issues. They both struggled to live with their anxiety and depression, finding it easier, at times, being with someone who understood. But it all manifested between them both in quite different ways. While Tony preferred to suffer alone and in silence, waiting it out, essentially, and usually wrapped up in a warm burrito of cotton sheets and a fluffy duvet, Loki craved company and intimac y. Mostly, he just needed to be held and have his hair petted. That Tony would add in murmuring how much he loved him and what a wonderful addition to his life he was, helped Loki tremendously.   
  
Tony was a tad more delicate than Loki. At this point in their relationship there was practically a routine Loki would perform. As he did the morning he woke up to a wall of blanket beside him in bed. Surprised, because it came on so suddenly, Loki initially tried to get Tony talking, but all that resulted in was Tony burrowing deeper into his cocoon. So with a soft sigh, Loki rose and readied himself for the day, and did as he normally did when he had to leave Tony home alone like that: on the bedside table, he left a large bottle of water, and a bag of dried berries and carrots each. Occasionally, Loki would also leave a sugary treat. He left a handful of tootsie rolls.    
  
Loki always hated to leave Tony when he was deep in a depressive episode. But he knew well his presence, hovering all day, fussing over him, would only irritate Tony. So, with a heavy heart, Loki brushed his lips across the crown of Tony’s head, murmured a soft “I love you,” and headed out to work.    
  


* * *

  
“He needs help.”   
  
Natasha would repeatedly say this to Loki when Tony suffered through an episode. Every time. Like clockwork. Bucky was, at least, a little more supportive. It wasn’t an ideal situation, he would say, but he admired that Tony and Loki had found a way to make it work for them.    
  
And so they had.    
  
Loki didn’t feel any better about leaving Tony a few days later to attend a dinner party at Natasha and Clint’s place. He ate some pasta, he drank some wine, he half-listened to Bucky’s story of a funny incident at the lab where he worked. Tony was never far from his mind, but Loki thought he did well enough to engage with the small party of ten.  He’d been sitting quietly, contemplating refilling his half-full glass of white, when a body dropped into the chair beside him. He glanced up and grinned softly at the kind blue eyes looking back at him.    
  
“How’re you doing, Loki?” Steve Rogers was Bucky’s main squeeze, who had so far lasted longer than any others in the years Loki and Bucky had become friends. When he watched them together, Loki sometimes wondered when they’d all be hearing wedding bells again. Barely a year had passed since the last nuptials — Natasha and Clint's. And he and Tony still hadn't spilled the beans about the quickie vows they had exchanged in an off the Strip chapel in Vegas, during Tony's drunken birthday shenanigans.   
  
“I’m doing well, Steven. How are you?”   
  
“I’m okay.” His long, dark lashes fluttered as he shot a quick look toward the other end of the table — where Bucky was sitting, now arm wrestling with Natasha, as the others looked on, cheering. Loki smirked, lowering his eyes and face so Steve wouldn’t see. “How are you  _ really _ doing, Loki?”   
  
Loki’s head didn’t snap up right away, but when he raised his eyes, Steve’s lips tipped up in an apologetic tilt. Loki tried to swallow back everything he was feeling; anger at Bucky for spilling about his and Tony's private business, (though at this point, it was hardly a secret), embarrassment, for what, he couldn't say, and irritation at himself for not hiding it all better. But Steve’s eyes. Norns, they were kind and welcoming and understanding all at the same time. Loki felt the pressure building in his chest, becoming so painful, he knew he was about to burst.    
  
It came out in a breathless sob. His hand flew up to cover first his eyes then his mouth. Then another hand, warm and reassuring, wrapped around his upper arm and tugged him up.    
  
“Let’s get some air.” Steve ushered Loki toward the back porch of Clint and Natasha’s house, letting the others know all was well as they left the table.   
  
Loki quickly gathered his composure and swallowed down the rest of his wine when Steve offered him his glass. “Thank you,” he breathed softly, setting the glass aside, afraid he’d drop it because of his trembling fingers. “I wish he hadn’t told you.”   
  
“He’s just concerned. About both of you. He didn’t ask me to talk to you. Just so you know,” Steve added hastily when Loki turned sharp green eyes to him. “He’ll probably kick my ass when he finds out.”   
  
“He won’t.”   
  
“He might.”   
  
“No.” Loki sniffled and let out one final calming breath. “I meant he won’t find out.”   
  
“Oh.” Steve shrugged and leaned his backside against the porch rail. “So. Do you wanna talk? You don’t have to. I just thought I’d offer an ear.”   
  
Loki chuckled softly, slipping his hands into his slacks pockets. “You’re a therapist, Steven. You’re offering much more than an ear.”   
  
“You’re right. And, full disclosure, I’m doing this for completely selfish reasons.” Loki cocked a slim black brow and Steve smiled boyishly. “You’re Bucky’s closest friend. Next to Tasha, obviously.”   
  
“Obviously,” Loki agreed quietly. The three of them had been inseparable since they routinely began to share a corner in detention in high school.

“I know I haven’t known you long, but I knew Tony from awhile back. We weren’t super close, and we lost touch after college, just before you two got together. But he’s the reason I met Bucky.” Steve looked up at Loki, his expression serious, concerned. Loki nodded once.    
  
He turned and glanced at the wicker chairs set against the wall of the house and stepped back to lower into one, gracefully crossing one long leg over the other. “We can speak. Though I should warn you, you won’t be telling me anything either of us haven’t already heard.”   
  
“Okay. Can I start with a question?”   
  
“I imagine that’s the only way this is going to start.”   
  
Steve ignored the sarcasm, the hint of antagonism beneath Loki’s charming grin. “How long has Tony been having these…?”   
  
“Episodes, is how we usually refer to them.” Steve gave a nod, repeated the word. “I didn’t know about them until I moved in with him. About six months into our relationship.”   
  
“Six months?”   
  
Loki showed no reaction to Steve’s shock but to shrug. “Neither of us are keen to waste time.”

"Did he have them before you guys were together?"

"Yes."

“How long do they usually last?”   
  
“A few days to a week. Rarely longer than that.”   
  
“Any idea what brings them on?”   
  
Loki’s eyes seemed to lose focus as he pondered the question, as if he was lost somewhere else. He quickly snapped back, a small smile in place on his lips that Steve could tell was for show. “Sometimes nothing. There’s not always a specific trigger. It just…comes on. As it did a few days ago. It's why he's not here.”   
  
Steve processed that, trying not to show the concern on his face. “And other times?”   
  
Loki stared off into the distance a moment, pursing his lips. “Birthdays. And anniversaries.”   
  
“Whose? Yours?”   
  
“No.” Loki inhaled deeply, lifted his eyes to Steve. “His mother’s birthday is particularly difficult.” His eyes stayed on Steve even as his face paled. “And, of course, the anniversary of their…”   
  
“Right. Gotcha.” Steve scratched at his head, if only because it allowed him to lower his head. “Bucky mentioned that you two have a routine?”   
  
“Mmhmm,” Loki hummed. “I know what he needs. It’s mostly about maintaining. Keeping the darker demons at bay.” His voice grew softer, thicker. “Most of the time he never leaves the bed. Just lays there and sleeps. Stares out the window.”   
  
Steve watched Loki, trying to get a read on his facial expression. “And…?”   
  
“Once I found him in the bathroom. Sitting in the tub so long the water had gone cold. Another time, he made his way to the pantry and was…” he paused to chuckle softly. “He was halfway through a new bag of those little white powdered donuts.”   
  
They shared a laugh at that, but Steve sensed Loki was stalling. “Loki, I don’t mean to push, but has Tony ever…” He trailed off when Loki hit him with a sharp look. “Has he tried to harm himself?”   
  
“N-no.”   
  
Steve cocked a brow, straightened. Loki finally looked away, shoving at his long black hair when it fell over his eyes. Steve moved to the other wicker chair, leaning on the arm of it. “Loki, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to get a gauge of how serious this could be. Like I said, you don’t have to talk.”   
  
“Oh, we’ve come this far haven’t we?” Loki set a finger against his lips, turning his eyes away from Steve. But not before he saw the glistening dampness of them.    
  
“You don’t need to go into detail.”   
  
Loki sighed, a little sharper than he intended, and lowered his arm. “I came home one day and the apartment was…freezing. I like rooms a little cooler than he, so I wasn’t expecting…it was odd. When I walked into the bedroom, the first thing I saw was the empty bed. Then I realized the air was coming from the sliding door.” He paused to swallow. “My heart was in my stomach as I ran to it. And there he was.”   
  
He turned to look at Steve, lips curved, eyes brimming.   
  
“Standing barefoot in two feet of snow. Wearing nothing but his boxers and an undershirt.”   
  
“Was he planning to…?”   
  
Loki swiped at eyes and cheeks, sniffling. “He says no. He just…wanted to go outside. But you know Anthony. Hard to tell when he’s being serious.”   
  
It grew quiet then, but for the distant sound of cars intermittently passing on either side of the house and the far off barking of a dog. Steve considered. Hesitated. Argued with himself.    
  
“Oh, for gods’ sake, just say it.”   
  
Steve breathed out. “He needs help, Loki.” He said nothing, made no move to look at Steve. “You’re doing a great job with him, but I think even you can admit that there’s only so much you can do.”   
  
Loki closed his eyes. “I know,” he murmured.    
  
“Has he been to see someone?”   
  
“No,” Loki answered, his voice stronger now. “I've been to therapy off and on since I was child. It was required when I was in foster care and after I was adopted, Frigga thought it was best to continue. I have spoken about him, when I've gone. But Anthony…there’s an aversion to doctors, hospitals, and the like. It’s a battle every time he needs to see his cardiologist.”   
  
“Has he ever been on medication?”   
  
“For his heart only," Loki answered with a short shake of his head. "I don’t know how he would feel about anything else.”   
  
Steve nodded. “I’m gonna be frank,” he started, waiting for Loki to look at him. He did, a mask of coolness and calm on his face, that threw Steve for a moment. “Bucky mentioned sometimes you experience your own…uh.”   
  
“Episodes.”   
  
“Right. Does his affect you at all?”

Loki’s lips parted, but he took a beat before answering. He wanted to say no, but it would have been a lie. “Only in the way that I…feel terrible that I can’t do more to keep them at bay.”   
  
“You know what will help that.” It wasn’t a question. And Loki nodded. “Doesn’t have to be me, Loki. In fact, it shouldn’t be me. But, sooner rather than later, you both should see someone.”   
  
Loki nodded again, breathed in and out. Then smiled at Steve. It wasn’t a bright smile; toothless, his lips pressed together. But it was almost affectionate. “Well, Steven. You’ve learned some very intimate information about me and my relationship tonight.”   
  
Steve mimicked zipping his lips together. “In the vault.”   
  
“Thank you. May I ask you a frank question?”   
  
Steve sat back in the wicker chair, stretching his neck, knowing he’d need Bucky to massage out the knots tightening there when they got back to his place that night. Maybe he should ask him to move in already. He stayed there enough. Wait, Loki’s talking to him. “Sure. Hit me.”   
  
“How long are you going to wait before you finally put a ring on James’ finger?”   
  
The seriousness of the conversation was officially wiped away when the laugh Loki let out at Steve’s reaction had the others joining them on the back porch to find out what was so funny.

* * *

  
When Loki returned to the apartment he shared with Tony, it was still as dark and quiet as when he’d left just hours before. Relieving himself of everything he’d walked in with, he let himself into their bedroom where he found Tony still in bed, still wrapped in a tight little ball, and sleeping peacefully.    
  
Unwilling to disturb him, Loki grabbed a pair of sleeping pants and plain shirt, closed the door and changed in the bathroom before heading to the kitchen. Settling at the circular dining table they bought together at a sidewalk sale, his hands wrapped around a mug of steaming tea, Loki contemplated his conversation with Steve. He’d lecture Bucky later about talking about his and Tony’s business behind their backs. But he decided he’d wait until he helped Steve with the elaborate proposal he’d been working on for weeks already.   
  
He’d been sitting there for no more than a half hour when he heard the crack of their bedroom door opening. He turned his head as Tony poked his out. His spiky brown hair was pointing every which way, his skin looked soft and was marked by the linens while he slept, and he was still wrapped in his black duvet.   
  
“Well, hello,” Loki greeted quietly.   
  
Tony shuffled out further and sniffled sleepily. “Hey, babe.”   
  
“Did I wake you?”   
  
“No. I slept for awhile. It was still sunny when I fell asleep. Where you been?”   
  
Loki smiled affectionately at him, following him with his eyes as Tony moved to sit beside him. It looked as if  _ his _ Tony had emerged. “Natasha and Clint’s.”   
  
“Oh shit. Was that tonight?”   
  
“Mmhmm.” Loki sipped at his cooling tea.    
  
“Damn. Well.” Tony pulled his arms out of the duvet and set his hands on the table. “I’ll call him up. Take him to lunch to celebrate the promotion. And apologize.”   
  
Loki laid a hand on his arm, squeezed. “Just celebrate.” Tony smiled lopsidedly and brought Loki’s fingers to his lips. “You look well-rested.”   
  
They both knew the compliment was Loki’s way of asking Tony if he was feeling better, without having to highlight that he wasn’t in the first place.   
  
“I am,” Tony answered, still holding Loki’s hand between his. He turned it over, tracing the lines of Loki’s palm. “How’s everybody?”   
  
“Doing well. Bucky seems to have settled well at the biotech lab. Darcy’s new play opens in a couple of weeks. And I think Sif is pregnant again. Thor didn't say anything, but she didn't drink and she inhaled her meal and half of Thor's.” He stopped there, wondering if he should bring up his conversation with Steve. When Tony looked at him with clear, honey brown eyes, holding his hand against his unshaven cheek, Loki decided to wait until the morning. “I have something for you. But I need my hand.”   
  
Tony pouted, but released Loki’s hand so he could stand. He moved to the refrigerator, and after removing its foil covering, he set a paper plate in front of Tony.    
  
“I saved a piece for you. I nearly lost my life, but I did it.”   
  
Tony’s eyes grew wide at the large slice of heavenly cheesecake before him. “Did Nat make it?”   
  
“Of course,” Loki said with a lift of his shoulder, his chin settled in his hand.    
  
Tony smiled wide at him. “Have I told you lately that I love you?” Loki chuckled and returned the sentiment. “I need milk. No, no I got it. Tell me more about tonight. Did they all miss me?”   
  
Loki rolled his eyes, but he was happy to hear Tony sounding like himself again. While Tony dove into his dessert, Loki caught him up on the professional and personal lives of their friends and spilled the beans about Steve and Bucky’s imminent engagement.    
  
“Ah, good for Bucky. Maybe he can lighten Steve up a bit. Guy’s gotta be even more uptight than he was in college.”   
  
“Were you not friendly?”   
  
Tony licked cheesecake off of his fork and shrugged noncommittally. “We were cool. He was just more academic than some of us. So serious all the time. When he wasn’t being a fucking smart ass.”   
  
“You love smart asses.”   
  
“I love  _ your _ smart ass,” Tony corrected with a wink. “There’s a difference.” He scooped up the last of his cheesecake, popping it into his mouth with a flourish. “Thanks, babe. You’re the best.” Tony rose to clean up and stopped to give Loki a smacking kiss.   
  
Loki hummed happily into it, but Steve’s words were still on his mind. “Anthony…”    
  
“Hmm?”   
  
“We…uh, were you planning to head back to bed?”  _ Chicken shit. _   
  
“Maybe.” Loki started to question him, but then he suddenly had a lap full of Tony, and an eager mouth on his. “I was gonna take a quick spin under the spray first. I was hoping maybe you’d join me. You up for that?”   
  
Loki wrapped one arm around Tony’s bare torso, and raised the hand of his other arm to cup Tony’s cheek. He was glad to see the dark circles had disappeared from under Tony’s eyes. He didn’t look pale anymore and his smile reached his eyes, where some life shone again. “I think I can manage.”   
  
“Good. Let’s go!”   
  
“Wait.” Loki tightened his arms around Tony, kept him on his lap. “I will be happy to join you in the shower. But you may not after I….after I say what I need to.” Tony’s smile faltered. “We need to sit down and have a serious talk, Anthony.”   
  
He scoffed weakly. “You’re not gonna sleep with me tonight and serve me with divorce papers tomorrow morning, are you? I know it wasn't the wedding you wanted, but I told you I would pay for the whole shebang. Tuxes, flower girls, we'll ask Bruno Mars to sing. I'll pay for The Plaza for fuck's sake!”

“What? Anthony! No. I told you I don't need the big to-do.”

“Then what do you…?” Loki angled his head, lowered his eyes. “Oh.” He lowered his eyes briefly, too, then winced as he returned his gaze to Loki’s. “Was I that bad this time?”   
  
“No, you weren't bad at all, my love.” Loki gave him a squeeze to assure him. “I’m just concerned that…we’re doing well to help each other. Now. I may not be enough to help you, however, in the future. Possibly the near future.”   
  
“You want us to go see someone, huh?” Loki looked away guiltily, nodded. Tony slipped a hand over his cheek to cup his neck and brought their foreheads together. “Okay, babe. We can talk about it. Or, well, we just did, so…we can look into finding somebody.”   
  
“Thank you.”   
  
Tony leaned back enough to press a kiss to Loki’s lips. “Still up for that shower?”   
  


“I am if you are, husband.” Tony jumped up, grabbing Loki’s hand to pull him behind, stopping when Loki didn’t move. “Do me a favor?”

“I mean at this point I’ll do whatever you want. To you, for you…”

Loki chuckled softly and tugged Tony closer. “Don’t shave?”   
  
Tony made a confused face and rubbed a palm over his own cheek. “You sure? It’s kind of rough and I might scratch…” He belatedly caught the twinkle in Loki’s eyes, the lift of a brow, the curve of pale red lips. “Ohh. I got you.”   
  
“Finally.”   
  
Tony growled and dipped Loki into a deep kiss that had Loki turning to mush in his arms. “You’re so dirty,” Tony murmured against Loki’s already swelling lips.    
  
“Filthy. Shower?”   
  
“Uh-huh. But guess what? Last one in has to be on top!”   
  
Loki tumbled back onto the table as Tony all but dropped him and sprinted off toward their bathroom. Stumbling to his feet, Loki smirked, slipped his hands into his pockets, and followed. Taking his sweet time.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading, y'all. Comments and kudos are always welcome. And feel free to scream at me about FrostIron, WinterFrost, or DashingFrost whenever you want (mcfiddlestan.tumblr.com)
> 
> xoxo


End file.
